Mind BoX

I’m not married yet. I don’t even know when I will. Since I’m not married of course I’ve never given a birth to a precious gift called children. So here I am living my life as a free-spirited woman looking for what’s more to life. Nevertheless I know how it feels to be a parent. Well my job allows me to have this role for a while. Tiring? Exhausting to be precise. Stressful? Couldn’t agree more especially when they’re fighting, nagging, and crying. Fun? What’s more fun than seeing their smiles, laughs, and their sparkling eyes when they play, share their stories, or learn with you. They are everything everyone could wish for. However I couldn’t stop wondering. Why are you having a child if you can’t keep him safe? Why are you letting your dearest 2-year old son drink that bloody liquor you enjoy with your friends in the middle of the night? Why are you making him drunk when you can always read him goodnight stories, invite him to have an adventure to a neverland, sing a lullaby,...

Malang, 05 May 2019 There is courage within you that speaks louder than any voice that pushes you to break the limit that shows you how brave you are. Maybe you just need to listen and let it speaks to you. Give it space to show itself and give it time to tell you what needs to be done. Embrace your courage wholeheartedly. It’s always been a part of you. It’s always there for you. It exists to save you and people you love from any harm and malevolence others cause. Today you were doing great. You listened to it and you did something amazing. I’m so proud of you and I will always be. Keep up the good work! J   sunrise in Bali P.S : I was urged to write this after witnessing a crime that happened before my eyes. Thank God I could prevent it from happening. Courage within me helped me and I’m thankful for it.

Malang, 07 Maret 2019 Beberapa waktu yang lalu aku mendengarkan lagu Jeremy Zucker yang berjudul come thru . Begitu denger aku langsung suka sama lagu ini. Ada satu lirik yang bikin aku muter ini lagu berulang kali. ‘ It’s alright to not be fine .’ Merasa tidak baik-baik saja itu tidak masalah. Pas denger itu aku jadi bertanya-tanya bener gak sih ini? Kenapa Jeremy Zucker bilang kayak gitu? image source - Google Kadang apa yang kita harapkan tidak sejalan dengan kenyataan. Kegagalan. Patah hati. Tidak puas dengan pencapaian dalam hidup. Merasa diri lebih buruk atau kurang beruntung dari orang lain. Pada akhirnya semua itu menciptakan berbagai kekhawatiran yang membawa kita pada ketidakbahagiaan. Mood jadi jelek. Tidak bersemangat. Pengennya marah-marah aja terus. Padahal enggak tau marah-marah soal apa. Perasaan mudah tersinggung. Lihat media sosial langsung sebel sendiri. Emosi negatif meluap-luap sampai semuanya terasa salah. Pernah ngalamin? Aku juga. Kalian tahu...

I've got so much love. I've earned so much happiness. I've fallen so many times. But, I've raised up more than that. Thank God! I'm Amazing!

Malang, 18 November 2018 Akan datang saatnya dimana sedikit demi sedikit segala hal yang mengganggu pikiran kita pergi dan jalan lebar menuju ke arah yang lebih baik mulai terbuka dan melebar. Ketika saat itu tiba, rasanya semua pertanyaan di kepala terjawab dan perasaan yang menumpuk di hati terangkat. Pikiran lapang hati pun tenang. Pertanyaannya sekarang adalah kapankah saat itu tiba? Haruskah menunggu sampai ia datang? Mungkin ada di antara kalian yang membaca postinganku sebelumnya. Kalau iya kalian pasti tahu apa yang ku hadapi beberapa waktu terakhir. Yup, I’ve been struggling with my own madness and sanity about my own personal self and how I see it. Rasanya jelas tidak menyenangkan sama sekali. Berbagai cara ku coba lakukan supaya merasa lebih baik. Mulai dari menjaga jarak dengan media sosial, menulis, membaca, bicara dengan orang-orang yang ku percaya, menjauh dari toxic people meyakinkan diri sendiri bahwa aku baik-baik saja, dan tentu saja mendekatkan diri dengan...

Malang, 12 Okt. 18 In the past, I had no idea that October 10 is such an important day. Literally, I just knew it a few days ago. Do you guys know why October 10 is a special day? It’s actually The World Mental Health Day. Mental health topic has become so viral these days especially for millenials. for me, this particular topic does matter in my whole life. I’ve written a number of blog posts related to it. I’ve shared some stories how hard it is to keep my mind okay. Though I have quite a lot of writing about it, I don’t think this issue will never die to talk about. It will always linger in my life. It won’t be gone. For me personally, the hardest part of living is facing the world. There are so many things about this world and everything it has that always make me insecure and restless. Negative thoughts never stop occupying most spaces in mind for example I always feel I’m not good enough. I don’t know what to do with my whole life. Failure turns me down. The fact th...

Malang, 05 Okt. 18 image is taken from this  One thing I love from doing my job as a teacher is I learn a lot about people especially my students. As someone who meets them everyday, it feels like I notice what they think and keep in mind. Today was my second day of teaching for the final term of 2018. I just had 4 students and all of them are girls! For some teachers, having a few students could be troublesome. Yet for me, this condition is absolutely okay. I got to talk with them and the most fun part is I found out that they are just like me. Some of my students are in their early 20s. The topic for today’s lesson is about success and failure. For me this topic is always thought-provoking and interesting to discuss. Yet, it could be depressing sometimes when it comes to failure. When we had a discussion time, one of my students shared her point of view. She told me that she had a very hard time to find out about her passion and what to do. She nearly finishes her...

Malang, 16 Agustus 2018 God always gives us what we need. Not what we want. That’s what I always believe. But sometimes, the are some moments when I feel so miserable and that belief is pushed back then gone somewhere far away. I lose my faith. I fall again. For those who have read my previous post, you already know that I’m in my Quarter Life Crisis. I’m questioning myself about my life, my happiness, and my future eventhough it’s obvious that I live a good life and nothing really goes wrong. Yet, I feel like my world is upside down. Especially when something I’ve been longing for never comes. I’m a type of person who needs to plan everything I’m going to do. I can’t really do things spontaneously. More importantly, when it comes to my personal life, I require a well-planned plan. I know sometimes things aren’t always going as we’ve planned. Yet, for me it’s still essential. Living a life without plans means committing a suicide. Back then, I planned to pursue my goal. G...

Malang, 04 Agustus 2018 Image is taken from https://www.popsugar.com/tech/Quarter-Life-Crisis-Instagram-38901437 In a few weeks, I’ll be 26. How’s my life so far? In 2 words I would say, “upside down”. Things are going quite differently from my expectations. I begin asking myself thousands questions about my life. Being worried about my future. Feeling anxious about my surroundings and job. A bit uncomfortable about my social life. Totally hate those expectations put on me. My whole life feels like everything just doesn’t feel right eventhough I live a good life. What’s happening to me? Before I reached 25, my life was full of dreams and joys of youth. I cherished every moment I spent for studying at college and learned new things about my job as an English teacher. I could buy a lot of books and stuff with my own income. I looked forward to meet my friends at the cafe and amusement parks. I planned to pursue my career and Master. I felt like I could live this lovely ...

Malang, 03 Oktober 2017 Hai Oktober! Ketika kamu datang itu artinya tahun 2017 akan segera berakhir. Time flies! Enggak ngerti deh harus merasa senang atau sedih. Senang karena sudah banyak hal-hal menyenangkan dan memberi banyak pelajaran berharga terjadi sepanjang 9 bulan ini. Sedih karena umur semakin berkurang, dosa makin banyak aja, dan beberapa target belum tercapai. Enggak pa pa masih ada 2 bulan lagi untuk memperbaiki diri dan mencapai apa yang diingini sebelum 2017 pergi. Bismillah. Tiba-tiba aja ada perasaan pengen buka kotak kaleng Good Time yang aku simpen sejak lama di atas rak buku. Gak ada yang spesial tentang kotak itu sih karena dapetnya aja dikasih sama tetangga. Tapi isinya ini yang bikin kadang aku merasa melow dan melankolis banget. Ada beberapa note books, kartu pos, medali, dan benda-benda kecil kenang-kenangan dari temen-temen. The note books are so reminiscent for me. Baca-baca tulisan tanganku mengenai apa yang pernah terjadi dulu rasanya seperti ber...

Malang, 10 September 2017 Aku percaya bahwa setiap manusia yang ada di muka bumi ini menyimpan sebuah “bom waktu” dalam tubuh dan jiwa mereka. Bom waktu? Ah tidak mungkin! Tunggu dulu! Bisakah kalian menebak apa yang aku maksud dengan “bom waktu”? Bom waktu yang kita simpan telah ada sejak kita ada. Bom tersebut tidak berupa rakitan mesin dengan mesiu yang bisa meluluhlantahkan raga. Bom tersebut sesuatu yang tak terlihat mata namun keberadaannya dapat dirasa oleh jiwa. Masih ingat tentang “tombol bunuh diri” yang pernah aku ceritakan dalam salah satu post? Tombol tersebut bukanlah sebuah tombol melainkan rasa ingin tahu yang menguasai manusia. Ketika rasa ingin tahu mendominasi benak dan kita terbutakan oleh keingintahuan, tak selamanya berakhir bahagia. Sering banyak yang diakhiri dengan penyesalan hebat. Penyesalan yang berasal dari keingintahuan membuat manusia kehilangan arah dan terjerumus dalam kesedihan yang melumpuhkan atau amarah yang membutakan. Sama dengan tomb...

Malang, 08 September 2017 People say that “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”. Another saying tells that “Great things never come from comfort zone”. Do you believe in them? Are you stuck in your comfort zone? Reluctant to be out? Or are you afraid of asking yourself? What is comfort zone exactly? According to Google Translate comfort zone is a place or situation where one feels safe or at ease and without stress. Well, life feels so heavenly fun without worrying much about trouble that might come. Safe sailing I could say. Doesn’t it sound so relieving? But, why do those statements imply it in different way? Comfort zone sounds like a bad thing. Sure, for some people it’s not good. You have nothing to pursue. You have less things to stir your life. But, is it really that bad? What kind of comfort zone are we talking about here? Work? Friendship? Relationship? Life? Some people in my life ever complained me countless times about my decisions. They said I’m wa...