Mind BoX

There is one big question I have that I can’t stop looking for the answer until now. “What is more to life?” I think I’m not the only one who keeps asking this because I saw some videos on youtube and listened to some podcasts talking about the same question. I thought by consuming them I would at least get some ideas what the answer is. It turned out I can’t really relate myself to their answers or opinions. I think the answer to this question is very personal and subjective. I kind of know the general idea what the answer is but I just haven’t found what really clicks to me. So here I am in search for it. Other than life cycle most people on earth follow, what is there in life? Some people said, “You should travel to find the answer!” I did. But travelling for me here is not associated with vacation or travelling to touristy places. When you travel to some famous crowded attractions and all you see is people having fun, I don’t think you learn something meaningful. I like to sp...

How many times have you heard someone said something like this to you when you felt so down? “Just get over it! What he said is true. You shouldn’t have done that!” “Why are you crying? It’s not a big deal!” “Don’t take it personally!” There might be a lot right? Let me rephrase that. How many of us have said them to our friends or family who need help? Can we remember? I bet none of us can remember it clearly since we lost count of it. Victim blaming, ever heard of it? According to an article on Harvard Law School Halt website, “ Victim-blaming is the attitude which suggests that the victim rather than the perpetrator bears responsibility for the assault. Victim-blaming occurs when it is assumed that an individual did something to provoke the violence by actions, words, or dress .” In other words, we blame the victims for their unfortunate grief just because we assume they say or do something that trigger it. Some research revealed that victim blaming ...

A few months ago, I read an article on an online website. That article was about a woman who came back home to Indonesia after living independently for years in Australia and s he was struggling to adapt with her parents and family. When I read that I felt like it’s something my future self writes for me. She shared about how her parents have a very distinctive point of view from her. They argue a lot almost about everything. She was having her 2nd culture shock eventhough she was in a place supposedly called as home. Everything felt so foreign for her. She started questioning what home is, where it really is. If you had read my previous posts, you must have known that I came back to my parents’ house after living independently for 9 years. I actually predicted that it is not going to be easy, living together again under one roof with our differences eventhough we’re indeed blood related. And yes, it is not easy for me. Just like other family, my parents and I have simil...

Never did I expect I would write this post on my study corner in my childhood bedroom. After 9 years living by myself independently now I’m coming back home, living together with both of my parents minus my 3 brothers. I thought I would never do this looking back   at what kind of person I was and what dream I had. Yup. I’m back to Bali. To my home. When I was a school girl all I wanted to do was going to college in different city, getting a prestigious job, and leaving home for a long time. I had this wish because I wanted my freedom. I was born and raised in a strict moslem family. So yeah I couldn’t really do what other teenagers commonly did. That’s why I wanted this freedom so badly. Also back then I only knew my parents, my family, my neighborhood, my schools, and my friends. I had less idea about how other places look like or how people on different sides live. Like other youngsters who had wild dreams and idealistic ideas, I sailed to a great unknown to look for a...

Jembrana, 07 Okt. 19 On Thursday October 3rd, 2019, I had my farewell event in a place I worked before. Long before the event was held, I convinced myself not to cry. I know that I’m a very sensitive person. I can’t see someone cries before me because I’ll definitely cry. I hate it when people see me crying because it feels like they see me naked. In order not to cry I prepared some happy scenarios on my mind. I designed what I was going to say in front of the others. When I thought everything was going to go well, it didn’t happen as I expected. I bursted into tears and yeah they saw me naked. I showed them how vulnerable I was. When it happened, I was like ‘Oh snap! I didn’t plan for this! How will they react?’ I was so afraid ruining the mood. I was ashamed. It felt like I showed them my weakness. I wanted to stop crying but I couldn’t help it. I was overwhelmed because all of my emotions were overflowing. Thank God, my friends cheered me up again so yeah I didn’t cry ...

Malang, 30 Sep. 19 who owns my life? they say this and that. do the way they do and shut up. no questions no choices. is it because the way I look? is it because I was born like this? where do I belong? they say my life is at home. bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, are my whole world, my nature. so why did God create this universe if my only world is just a square? am I not deserving it? who writes my story? they say I don’t need a pen or book or knowledge. everything is already decided. just sit and do. no questions, no criticism. so what are my mouth, fingers, brain, and heart for if the only thing I’m allowed to do is silent? who am I? I’m not what they say. I own my life. I belong to where I want to be. I write my story, not with their pen, but with my own one. zaturania Notes : I wrote this piece because I was inspired by Tara, the main character of a memoir entitled Educated . Reading this book brok...

Malang, 02 Okt. 19 I find you in every corner. I really want to say that. But you know the sun shines so brightly and it’s really hot here. I don’t think it resembles you. I think Global Warming has shown its effect on you. Don’t give me that eye. I know you quite well. When I was a kid I was always looking forward to see you on every school holiday. But yeah I still hate the motion sickness I get in almost every journey to come to you. I’m totally annoyed with the traffic. Is crossing the streets always this life-threatening? Can I walk on the sidewalk safely? Please don’t get mad buddy. You know very well how much I love you. Your mild air always comforts me. No matter how cold it is, surprisingly it’s something I like from you. I can’t get over your bakso. Everyone knows it’s heavenly tasty. Why would I do without your bookstores and city library? I’m forever grateful for new ideas, knowledge, wisdom, and information you’ve provided. Flowers and trees seem to love you as we...

Malang, 01 Okt. 19 Ada satu hal yang aku sukai ketika membaca buku. Hal itu adalah tutup buku. Mungkin bagi sebagian orang menutup buku bisa jadi menyebalkan atau menyedihkan karena itu artinya petualangan sudah usai. Tamat. The End. Namun bagiku menutup buku adalah hal yang menyenangkan. Kenapa? Karena itu berarti petualangan baru menunggu dan aku tidak sabar untuk membuka lembar baru. Bulan Oktober ini, aku menutup bukuku tentang Kota Malang. Yup, aku sudah memutuskan untuk meninggalkan kota yang telah aku tinggali selama 9 tahun ini. Rasanya masih segar diingatan pertama kali memutuskan untuk pindah ke Malang di tahun 2010 demi mengejar ilmu di Universitas Brawijaya sampai akhirnya lulus di tahun 2014 lalu lanjut mengejar karir sebagai guru di LB LIA Malang hingga bulan September 2019. Wow, kalau dihitung 9 tahun itu lama juga ya tapi jujur aja aku yang menjalaninya sebenarnya tidak merasa kalau selama itu. Dalam bukunya yang berjudul Happiness Inside Gobind Vas...

Malang, 08 August 2019 Am I the only one who think being an adult means you get bored easily? It feels like there are not many things that interest me like they used to be. I still remember how excited I was to explore new places, buy new clothes, eat food I’ve never tried before, having new tech, hang out with my friends to fancy cafes or restaurants, taking a bunch of pictures with instagrammable background, scrolling down my social media, and so on. Now that I’m about to reach my 27, those things no longer excite me. Not only about that but also material possessions and achieving life goals don’t energize me. Throwing back to previous years, I was so obsessed trying new things about my job and a couple of times applying for scholarships. Now, I don’t feel the same. I’m still productive for sure. I love my job. But unlike my friends out there, I’ve never been into reaching a higher ground, let’s say higher positions. I enjoy my salary so much but I don’t really think I sh...

Malang, 05 Apr. 19 Do you write on your diary or journal every day? If yes keep doing it. You have done a very good job and I guess you already know the benefits coming from this fun activity. Are you a type of person who thinks writing diary is such a childish and stupid thing only kids or teenagers do? If yes I think it's the perfect time for you to change your mind. I started writing my diary when I was in Elementary School. I couldn’t really remember how old I was. I did it because I followed my friends. I still keep my childhood diaries until now. Though sometimes when I reread them again I’m so embarassed. How childish and innocent I was! But I’m actually glad that I started this habit in such a very young age. I ever stopped doing this habit when I got to Junior High until Senior High School. I don’t really know why I stopped doing it. I regretted it now because I couldn’t remember how my school days were, how my feeling was, and how my life had been. Yeah I gu...