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what 9 years have taken from me


Never did I expect I would write this post on my study corner in my childhood bedroom. After 9 years living by myself independently now I’m coming back home, living together with both of my parents minus my 3 brothers. I thought I would never do this looking back  at what kind of person I was and what dream I had. Yup. I’m back to Bali. To my home.


When I was a school girl all I wanted to do was going to college in different city, getting a prestigious job, and leaving home for a long time. I had this wish because I wanted my freedom. I was born and raised in a strict moslem family. So yeah I couldn’t really do what other teenagers commonly did. That’s why I wanted this freedom so badly. Also back then I only knew my parents, my family, my neighborhood, my schools, and my friends. I had less idea about how other places look like or how people on different sides live. Like other youngsters who had wild dreams and idealistic ideas, I sailed to a great unknown to look for adventures, to see how freedom feels like.

9 years living by myself didn’t go in vain. I’m deeply grateful for the ups and downs. I can be the person I am now because of those amazing years. I definitely enjoyed my freedom so much. Of course I enjoyed it in good ways. I studied well in the university. I graduated with honour. I got an unexpected job and ended up loving it. I could buy anything I wanted and I could go wherever I wished with my own earnings. However no matter how good it sounds like, there were times when life got in the way. I was surrounded by toxic people with their toxic behavior. I kept questioning my identity even whether God really exists or not. I was confused about what to do with my life. I was scared of my future. I was tired listening to people’s expectations on me. I was so disappointed when I failed on my scholarship applications. I ended up losing myself.

During that hard time, there were people who saved my life, my parents. A Burmese proverb said “In time of test, family is the best.” I definitely agree with that. Those loving people whom I thought hinder me to get my freedom were the ones who brought the light to my life. I always call my mom when I need someone to talk to. She is a very good listener. She listens to my story, my bickering, and my complaints. She calms me down and gives me very helpful advices. If my mood isn’t good to receive any advice she will just listen without any judgement. My dad doesn’t really talk much to me but his understanding and his trust are what keep me going. All I need from him is his trust. Everything will follow.

Though I’ve lived by myself for almost a decade, my life couldn’t be apart from my parents and my family. Their existence, prayers, help, love, and everything very much influence my life in any ways. All my life I’ve been searching for something. At the end I found it here in my family. Just like an Irish writer and poet, George Moore, said “A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.” Now that I know about it I want to cherish my togetherness with my parents and my family more. Nothing is everlasting including our life. So while my clock is istill ticking, I want to spend more moments with them. I’ve spent my 9 years with people out there now it’s time to be back home again.

Yup. One of many reasons I’m going back to Bali is I want to get closer to my family again. It has nothing to do with dreamy vacation life or career improvement. A lot of people and friends are asking me about my career, my job, what I’m gonna do here. Well, I don’t prioritize them at the moment. Now, all I want to do is making up what 9 years have taken from me. I’m so thankful that my parents are still complete. Though my 3 brothers are already living apart from me I’m grateful they are still coming over bringing their little family and kids. I want to make memorable memories with them since in the past I never enjoyed family gathering. While I still have the opportunity, I won’t miss it anymore.

memories when we were younger

PS : Talking about new memories, last week I just taught my family to play UNO card game. It was so fun. They enjoyed it so much especially my 2nd bro and his daughters. I also did a bit story telling for my nieces. Hopefully it’s a good start to make them like books and stories.

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Location: Jembrana Regency, Bali, Indonesia

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