Malang, 04 Agustus 2018
In a few weeks, Iāll be 26. Howās my life so far? In 2
words I would say, āupside downā. Things are going quite differently from my
expectations. I begin asking myself thousands questions about my life. Being
worried about my future. Feeling anxious about my surroundings and job. A bit
uncomfortable about my social life. Totally hate those expectations put on me.
My whole life feels like everything just doesnāt feel right eventhough I live a
good life. Whatās happening to me?
Before I reached 25, my life was full of dreams and
joys of youth. I cherished every moment I spent for studying at college and
learned new things about my job as an English teacher. I could buy a lot of
books and stuff with my own income. I looked forward to meet my friends at the
cafe and amusement parks. I planned to pursue my career and Master. I felt like
I could live this lovely life forever. I couldnāt be much happier than what I
already had. There were some moments when I felt so down with the high-risk
challenges I had. But, so far everything was great! However, the joy I got
didnāt last long. In my 25 (till now), I encounter what is called as āQuarter
Life Crisisā.
Briefly, based on some sources I read, Quarter Life
Crisis is a period when young adults are starting to be stressed out about
their life. Being in mid 20s makes these people begin to ask themselves about
their life choice, whether itās right or wrong. Have I done good? How about my
future? Oh My God, my friends are engaged and married! Some of them already
have kids. They travel around the world. They pursue their master. Everything
seems so perfect! How about mine? Have I done good? Have I lived my life
happily?
For me personally, mid 20s is a moment when anxiety
strikes me so hardly. I want to live my own definition of life to the fullest.
Surprisingly, I do! I have a proper job and I can do what I want. But, I get so
confused with it when some people around me say āIzza, you waste your
potentials! With your ability and skills you couldāve worked in prestigious
company and earned Rp 10 million/month.ā Or some people say āYou are 25 now.
You should get married and have kids. Not fooling around with your friends
every weekend! Why are you still single? Go out and date anyone!ā. Or this āWhy
do you want to pursue a Master degree in humanity? Do you think it will benefit
your future finance?ā and bla....bla....bla....
Oh God, whatās wrong with my own life choice? Isnāt
happiness the ultimate goal of living? Isnāt it enough to be what we want as
long as we can be responsible in it? What are these things called expectations
to do with my life? And why social media makes me more anxious about myself? How come life betrays
my own visions?
To tell you the truth, I hate the moment writing this
post. I feel so miserable. Those questions are clinging on my mind. So, I start
finding some things that trigger me to have these toxic thoughts. One of them
is social media. As someone who spends more time at home and office, social
media connects me to the other side. Itās so fun! But, social media is like a
double-edged sword. One time it lets me to travel and keep informed. I have
some fun seeing beautiful flower bouquets from my favorite flower shop account.
Yet most of the time, it makes me feel worthless. I see a lot of pictures that
show how successful other young adults are. When I see myself, I feel like Iām not
good enough.
Reading those captions from selebgrams or successful
young adults is the worst of all. Everytime I read their perfect life captions,
I start comparing myself to them. A lot of people give advices like āHey, you
shouldnāt compare yourself to others. You are great! Be who you are!ā. Or
something like āDonāt judge people from what they posts on social media. Behind
good and perfect pictures, they also live a hard life.ā āIf you canāt handle
IG, why donāt you quit using it? Why do you keep coming back?ā Enough with
quotes okay! The more you try to comfort me, the more I feel uncomfortable! I
still feel bad about myself and I hate looking at those perfect instagram
pictures. Also, eventhough I already tried to quit using IG, I still keep
coming back because no matter how much I hate it, Iām already attached to it.
You might think that Iām overreacting, overthinking,
or exaggerating. Thatās fine. You have your own opinion. But you know what, it
isnāt only me who feel this way. I found a lot of TED Talks which are about
adolescent life crisis. I found plenty articles discussing about it as well.
Maybe you are reading my blog post because you also feel the same way. Who knows! So
far, Iām still struggling with this condition so I canāt really tell how I
overcome it.
The least I could tell you now is about how I ease
this crisis so it wonāt damage my life. Since I already know that social media
is the source of my anxiety, Iām trying not to overuse it. I often posts on my
IG stories about the books I currently read or my own writing. But, I hardly
open other peopleās stories. I like to scroll down IG feed about cats, flowers,
and panoramas. Yet, I always skip images from selebgrams or other famous people
from Explore feature. I try not to check my social medias too often (though
itās truly hard to do). But the result is good. Iām totally fine after some
days not checking them.
I stop looking up to someone else and start looking at
what Iāve achieved. If I keep looking up to those people who seem more
successful than me, I will never feel Iām worth it. It doesnāt mean that
looking up to people isnāt good or necessary. Itās just we need to control it.
Donāt let yourself be consumed with the ideas of being just like them. Oh God,
that will kill you. You will eventually lose yourself.
And now I donāt know what to tell you since like I
wrote before Iām in the middle of my struggle overcoming this crisis. Iām still
doing my job. Reading is still a must routine for me. I enjoy my quality time with my friends and
students. Iām open to new ideas and thoughts. Well, let me enjoy the ride of my
quarter life crisis. Iām sure Iāll learn new meaningful life lessons from it.
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Image is taken from https://www.scoopwhoop.com/most-likely-to-have-a-quarter-life-crisis-at-27/#.1a4i3f9ng |
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