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Fighting My Quarter Life Crisis


Malang, 04 Agustus 2018
Image is taken from https://www.popsugar.com/tech/Quarter-Life-Crisis-Instagram-38901437

In a few weeks, I’ll be 26. How’s my life so far? In 2 words I would say, “upside down”. Things are going quite differently from my expectations. I begin asking myself thousands questions about my life. Being worried about my future. Feeling anxious about my surroundings and job. A bit uncomfortable about my social life. Totally hate those expectations put on me. My whole life feels like everything just doesn’t feel right eventhough I live a good life. What’s happening to me?

Before I reached 25, my life was full of dreams and joys of youth. I cherished every moment I spent for studying at college and learned new things about my job as an English teacher. I could buy a lot of books and stuff with my own income. I looked forward to meet my friends at the cafe and amusement parks. I planned to pursue my career and Master. I felt like I could live this lovely life forever. I couldn’t be much happier than what I already had. There were some moments when I felt so down with the high-risk challenges I had. But, so far everything was great! However, the joy I got didn’t last long. In my 25 (till now), I encounter what is called as “Quarter Life Crisis”.

Briefly, based on some sources I read, Quarter Life Crisis is a period when young adults are starting to be stressed out about their life. Being in mid 20s makes these people begin to ask themselves about their life choice, whether it’s right or wrong. Have I done good? How about my future? Oh My God, my friends are engaged and married! Some of them already have kids. They travel around the world. They pursue their master. Everything seems so perfect! How about mine? Have I done good? Have I lived my life happily?

For me personally, mid 20s is a moment when anxiety strikes me so hardly. I want to live my own definition of life to the fullest. Surprisingly, I do! I have a proper job and I can do what I want. But, I get so confused with it when some people around me say “Izza, you waste your potentials! With your ability and skills you could’ve worked in prestigious company and earned Rp 10 million/month.” Or some people say “You are 25 now. You should get married and have kids. Not fooling around with your friends every weekend! Why are you still single? Go out and date anyone!”. Or this “Why do you want to pursue a Master degree in humanity? Do you think it will benefit your future finance?” and bla....bla....bla....

Oh God, what’s wrong with my own life choice? Isn’t happiness the ultimate goal of living? Isn’t it enough to be what we want as long as we can be responsible in it? What are these things called expectations to do with my life? And why social media makes me more anxious about myself? How come life betrays my own visions?

To tell you the truth, I hate the moment writing this post. I feel so miserable. Those questions are clinging on my mind. So, I start finding some things that trigger me to have these toxic thoughts. One of them is social media. As someone who spends more time at home and office, social media connects me to the other side. It’s so fun! But, social media is like a double-edged sword. One time it lets me to travel and keep informed. I have some fun seeing beautiful flower bouquets from my favorite flower shop account. Yet most of the time, it makes me feel worthless. I see a lot of pictures that show how successful other young adults are. When I see myself, I feel like I’m not good enough.

Reading those captions from selebgrams or successful young adults is the worst of all. Everytime I read their perfect life captions, I start comparing myself to them. A lot of people give advices like “Hey, you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. You are great! Be who you are!”. Or something like “Don’t judge people from what they posts on social media. Behind good and perfect pictures, they also live a hard life.” “If you can’t handle IG, why don’t you quit using it? Why do you keep coming back?” Enough with quotes okay! The more you try to comfort me, the more I feel uncomfortable! I still feel bad about myself and I hate looking at those perfect instagram pictures. Also, eventhough I already tried to quit using IG, I still keep coming back because no matter how much I hate it, I’m already attached to it.

You might think that I’m overreacting, overthinking, or exaggerating. That’s fine. You have your own opinion. But you know what, it isn’t only me who feel this way. I found a lot of TED Talks which are about adolescent life crisis. I found plenty articles discussing about it as well. Maybe you are reading my blog post because you also feel the same way. Who knows! So far, I’m still struggling with this condition so I can’t really tell how I overcome it.

The least I could tell you now is about how I ease this crisis so it won’t damage my life. Since I already know that social media is the source of my anxiety, I’m trying not to overuse it. I often posts on my IG stories about the books I currently read or my own writing. But, I hardly open other people’s stories. I like to scroll down IG feed about cats, flowers, and panoramas. Yet, I always skip images from selebgrams or other famous people from Explore feature. I try not to check my social medias too often (though it’s truly hard to do). But the result is good. I’m totally fine after some days not checking them.

I stop looking up to someone else and start looking at what I’ve achieved. If I keep looking up to those people who seem more successful than me, I will never feel I’m worth it. It doesn’t mean that looking up to people isn’t good or necessary. It’s just we need to control it. Don’t let yourself be consumed with the ideas of being just like them. Oh God, that will kill you. You will eventually lose yourself.

And now I don’t know what to tell you since like I wrote before I’m in the middle of my struggle overcoming this crisis. I’m still doing my job. Reading is still a must routine for me. I enjoy my quality time with my friends and students. I’m open to new ideas and thoughts. Well, let me enjoy the ride of my quarter life crisis. I’m sure I’ll learn new meaningful life lessons from it.
Image is taken from https://www.scoopwhoop.com/most-likely-to-have-a-quarter-life-crisis-at-27/#.1a4i3f9ng

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