My Roller Coaster 2019


The beginning of 2020 is approaching. Are you ready for it? Have you been prepared?  Well, when we talk about new year, almost everyone on earth will be focusing on resolutions. Me? I honestly haven’t set anything at all. I actually made one this year but I guess not many of them really came true. This year has been a very challenging and demanding year for me. A lot of things happened and they are mostly things I never expected before. If I may describe my 2019 in 1 word, I will say ‘roller coaster’. I think it’s a mainstream word to portray life. But that’s exactly what I have in my mind when I think of 2019. Why roller coaster? Let’s get deeper into that...

“2019 is like a roller coaster which slides down unexpectedly and quickly to the earth. It indeed scares me to death and leaves me so much pain and tears.”

I still remember how heartbroken I was when my education goals I set for 2019 failed. I tried my best and I worked so hard yet the results weren’t what I’ve always wanted. I kept questioning why but it led me to nothing. My mom was sick so badly for quite some time. Alhamdulillah she is okay now. I was extremely worried and anxious if it got worse and she left me. My mental health was tested when my dad and I fought over my career path. We couldn’t understand each other well because we kept standing on our own belief without considering the other side. Even until now I feel like living in my hometown with my family again after 9 years is not easy at all. A lot of times I found myself couldn’t fit in with the way people live, think, and socialize. Here I am feeling like an alien in a place I call home. I couldn’t deny that I’m tired of being asked those annoying questions and I’m so fed up with the expectations. Yeah, life strikes me so hard this year I guess.

“2019 is like a roller coaster that shoots fast to the blue skies. It indeed frightens me but it brings me so much joy and fun.”

Despite all of the misery and pain I mentioned above, 2019 was great! I’m very thankful for everything I had in 2019. I did learn a lot of things that made my life so much better and I achieved a lot too. I’m so proud of myself that I could consistently write my journal every single day. It helped me a lot to maintain my mental health. I’m super proud of myself that I read 56 books this year. Surely, those books changed my life to be better. I’m very satisfied that my patience paid off. Back then I always wanted to travel by myself but I knew I wasn’t ready for that. Thank God, I could do it this year. These achievements  taught me that by controlling myself, being consistent on doing good habit, and keeping my patience, I can get what I want. With consistency and perseverance I can always be more than I was. Alhamdulillah...

Quitting my job and leaving Malang for Bali were not a bad choice at all because now that I’m home again I can get closer to my family especially my mom, I can escape the noise of the city and enjoy the real nature, and the best part is I can have more time to write and revive my blog. Letting go my past goals and toxic people was the best. It actually led me to better things to do and better people to befriend with.

Everything that happened to me whether they were depressing or pleasing has helped me to grow. Through the hardship, now I’m much stronger than before. Through the conflicts with my dad and family I learnt to understand people more and how to compromise. Through life itself I learnt that in life I have choices I can make but somehow I can’t escape what God plans and decides for me. That’s totally fine. Who says that my plan is the best? I’m just human being after all. And I accept that wholeheartedly. All I can do is doing my best and letting God do the rest. Don’t forget to breathe and be patient.

I finally was able to visit this very popular yet overrated beach. Patience pays off indeed.

So that was the highlight of my 2019. I have no regrets. I have no burden. I’m grateful for every single thing that occurs in my life. Everything happens for a reason and I always believe it’s not a bad one. Now, I’m letting you go my roller coaster 2019. I’m ready to rock 2020 away. Hopefully, everything we all wish will work out. Amin.

By the way, how was your 2019? I’m sure you learnt tons of things too.

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