a retreat to Ubud : a reflection

I believe everyone has ever been longing to a place they’ve always wanted to see and visit either it is for vacation purposes or spiritual ones. For me that place is Ubud, a tourism region in Bali. I’m so thankful that recently I got a chance to visit and stay in Ubud for a while. After moving to Bali early in October I planned to have a retreat for myself. I guess I wanted to have a new start for my new life. I wanted to refresh myself and leave everything behind.

I have some reasons why I chose Ubud instead of Kuta or other popular places in Bali. One of them is I wanted to join Ubud Writers and Readers Festival 2019 that I’ll tell you in a different blog post. Also, I wanted to stay in a quiet and peaceful place and Ubud sounded like to be a perfect place for that. After staying in Ubud for 5 days I think I expected this place too much. I expected to find myself or something that might make me feel spiritually charged. So far I did learn something but unfortunately I didn’t find what I was looking for.

#uwrf19

When I first saw Ubud, I was impressed. Every part of this region is an art. Along the main road I found a lot of fancy restaurants, cozy cafes, gorgeous boutiques, artsy souvenir stores, aesthetic art galleries, and magical Hinduism temples. Marigolds or in Bahasa Indonesia Bunga Gumitir were almost in every corner. A lot of tourists mostly foreigners walked on the side roads. The street was very crowded with motorbikes and cars. This place is something I rarely see in my life. It looks like Malioboro, a famous street in Jogjakarta. The only difference is the main road of Ubud has a lot of temples instead of Dutch fortress and buildings. Also, there are more foreigners and less locals there in Ubud. After having a short city tour with my family I was sure that I was gonna enjoy my stay. However it didn’t turn out like I was expecting.

Jl Raya Ubud

Marigolds at a souvenir vendor

This place is very popular

My impression of Ubud has changed after staying there for 5 days. I still love how visually pleasing this city is. But the longer I stayed there, the more lonely I felt. As a moslem I’ve been used to listen to adzan, a call for prayers. In Ubud, I never heard adzan at all. There isn’t even a single mosque around the main road. All I saw was glamorous places with local touch. It can’t be helped. Ubud is unlike Jembrana where I can still find a lot of mosques. I understand it very well. But still, something was missing.

Can you believe it I found 3 periplus bookshops in the city center... but no mosque :(

Dreamcatchers and rottan bags are everywhere....

I felt more lonely when I couldn’t find people like me, a Balinese, an Indonesian, or a moslem. By the way I did a solo traveling so it’s normal to feel a bit lonely. However the problem is there were a lot of people in Ubud but I only found a few locals strolling around the city center. Most Indonesians who are in Ubud are workers of the restaurants, hotels, or clothing stores. On the festival venue I met a lot of Indonesians. I even made friend with one of them. But still, most of them were very busy with their own business. It made me feel so alone.

The people I met in Ubud were mostly foreigners from Western countries, South Korea, Japan, China, India, and other neighborhood countries. Meeting them was okay and it’s nice to have new friends from other countries. Yet, It’s just so weird. I think I missed talking to people I can relate to. I missed using my Balinese accent though I don’t speak Balinese. I missed seeing their surprised expressions when I told them I come from Negara-Bali. I missed talking to locals and listened to their stories. Thank God I was lucky to have met some locals and had great conversations with them. As usual, most Balinese is always friendly and helpful. I wish I had talked to them more when I was there so I wouldn’t feel like an alien.

I’ve heard and read some stories of people coming to Ubud. They said they found something they’ve been looking for there. They claimed to find themselves, their brand new spiritual soul. Me? I doubt it. I didn’t find anything I could relate myself to. I didn’t feel peaceful or calm there. I didn’t find myself. I even felt like I was actually losing part of me that enjoys listening to Sholawat Tarhim coming from the mosque with Balinese gamelan coming from nearby temples. Those two distinctive but harmonious sounds are heard almost at the same time every day in Jembrana. During my stay in Ubud I only heard people offering me motorbike taxis, souvenirs, or dance performance tickets. Everything is commercialized. Everything is about pleasure. This sad truth was also discussed during the festival. Bali especially Ubud is gradually losing its genuine spirituality because of money.

Will I come back to Ubud in the future? For vacation, why not?! For good, I don’t think so. For some people Ubud might be the right place to come back to nature or to find themselves. Unfortunately, it’s just not working that way for me. The only thing I learned from staying in Ubud is now I know the real meaning of home, a place where my heart is. I found out that Ubud doesn’t feel like home for me personally. Because of this experience I appreciate my family more. I’m grateful for coming from Jembrana where Hinduism and Islamic culture meet. Jembrana might not as eye pleasing as Ubud. But it’s indeed more than I could ask for.

I hope you guys understand that this post is very personal for me. It’s my reflection of my trip to Ubud. It doesn’t have anything to do with the quality of this region. I think having a trip to a place isn’t always about the fun or pleasant moments. Mine is more about in search for myself or someone that I can relate to. It might sound so weird but it is what it is.

Ubud is such a great place for having fun. I couldn’t agree more. I enjoyed the vibes and happy atmosphere this city brings. But I can’t help myself for feeling a bit down. It may be my expectation which is too much or Ubud isn’t the right destination for me to find what I’m looking for. I don’t know. It can be anything. Anyway, I’m still grateful for being able to stay in Ubud and get to know it. Hopefully, I could enjoy it more on my next visit. I hope I won’t be a solo traveler by then. Amin...