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Hello God, I'm Finally Fine!

Malang, 27 April 2017


Hello God, I want to tell you my story. I think You already know it since You can read what’s inside my heart. But, I still want to talk to You. You are the only hope I have. You are the light I need. You are everything for me.

My world is upside down right now. Everything which once was okay, now it is not. My brick walls which were able to hold my burden, have already gone. My faith in humanity, has finally vanished. My cherished sanctuary, has already broken. I’m lost, God. I was left with nothing but a broken heart.

It hurts so much until I can’t bear to live for any second. It’s painfully killing me very slowly. It frightens me every time I look into eyes. Those noises leave me trembling. That laughter sends me nightmares. Those smirking smiles... sayings... They put me at the rock bottom. Oh God ... save me ...

God... I think I’m tired. I’ve had enough. I’ve been through the same pain for as long as I can remember. I’ve been at the same position all over again. Do I have to be like this forever? Will I?

I want to change it! I don’t want to just sit on the corner and weep. It’s time for me to stand and speak up! I have my own universe that You’ve blessed for me. And I don’t want to waste it for cries. You give me all possibilities and chances and I don’t want to miss them just because of grief. I have my own rights to be happy. I have my own rights to stand for what I think is right. I have my own rights to get what I deserve!

I’m sure everything won’t be the same anymore. I’m certain it won’t be easy. But I believe this is the right thing to do. I stand for myself. I speak up for my own good. For everyone who has been at the same position like me. I might hurt some people for this. But trust me, I mean no harm. I never want to hurt anyone. I just want to speak truthfully, break my masks, throw away fake smiles.

Hi God, I feel much better now. Everything happens for a reason. I think I have a slight idea why this all happens to me. Thank you for giving me valuable lesson. Thank you for giving me strength. Thank you for making me feel that I’m not alone. Someone out there understands me very well and helps me in his own ways. I know that he is currently also fighting for his rights like me. So God... Please give him strength to stand and speak up. Please bless him with courage to fight. Please help him to get the best as he deserves. I wish nothing but the best luck for him.

Bromo


P.S. : Thank you so much for being there when no one was, my dear friend.
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