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Learn to Give in

Malang, 22 Juni 2015

Losing the most precious thing that you have cherished all this time must be the hardest thing and the most difficult disaster that has ever happened in your life. When it strikes you, the only thing that you want to do is crying. When it attacks you, you feel deeply hurt inside your heart. When it comes to you, you regret all the things that you’ve done. You wish not to have that thing if at the end the only thing that you can remember about it is hurt.

Cloudy Wood

Human can escape from physical pain easily. No matter how pain it is, you can make it disappears with a drug and rest. How about non physical pain? Emotional pain? Can you make it disappears completely without leaving a scar? Is it possible to erase it without tearing apart you tears? I don’t know your answer. The only answer I have is, no. You can make it disappears but it is never easy.

I have just realized that I lost something truly important for my whole life. I lost it long time ago but I always pretend that it is still with me. I keep my trust. Eventhough, it is not even here anymore. I always cherish it and think that it’s truly priceless for me. But what I’ve kept all this time is just an empty trust. It’s like a shining can without nothing inside. What have I done? All of this is just a lie. And I realized it after these years. Hello? So, what have I kept? I gave my whole trust and I received nothing?

I don’t want to talk about hypocrisy here. It’s a truly big lie if you can move on with those good motivation letters you read every single day on facebook, instagram, LINE, and whatever social media you have. Stop making excuses! No! Do you think those words can help you? Do you think they work out? It never works well on me. Every time I read that thing, that sting feeling terribly thrusts my heart. Every time I brainwash myself that everything will be okay, my tears always come out and I remember that pain again. Oh come on! I’m tired of it. If death is the only way out, I would be gladly committing suicide!

But I can’t. Really...death is not an option for escaping this condition. If I bravely do that, it means I make people around me are like me. I can’t imagine if I break my parents’ heart. I don’t want to make them sad just like what I’ve felt. No..that’s the last thing that I want to do to them. This is not right! This is wrong!

I don’t know whether you’ve ever felt the same thing as me. Now, I know what I truly need to get rid of this burden. It’s time for me to learn how to let go. I learn how to give in what I’ve strived for. If it isn’t for me it means it isn’t the best for me. Why do I need to keep it if what it has done for me is nothing? Allah has his plan for His worshippers. I believe Allah has his most beautiful path for me. I believe in Him. My only best trust is for Him and about Him. Every time I think what He has done for me, I feel like it’s okay. You have been treated very well. Nothing is too difficult. It is just not the right time. You will get what you want when the time is right. When is it? I don’t bother myself to think about it. I just enjoy what I have now. And keep Him in my heart and my mind. By doing that, everything is fine. I feel so much ease in my heart and my mind. Yeah, I smile again!


Hello World! Hello Lost thing! Thank you for entertaining my life till now. My life is such a drama with you in it. I don’t regret what you’ve done to me. It’s just because I learn many things from you. You make me grow stronger than before, don’t you? Now, you can go away. And don’t bother yourself to come back to me again. I’m okay with myself now. This is a truly a good bye. Not a see you again. 
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