Malang,
07 Desember 2014
Hello, God! It’s me again. May I have a
word? Just You and me? I have a lot of things within my mind that I want to
tell You. Would You like to listen to me
God?
Long time ago, I’ve asked You this
question “What is Your plan for me?” I
still remember why I asked that question to you. I wondered about it when I was
lost. When I didn’t even know the meaning behind those things that I called as
“misfortunes”.
I never found the answer how hard I’ve
tried. There were just more questions kept popping from my head. What did I do wrong? In which part I messed
up? I even asked the same question
to my friend. What is God’s plan for us?
You know God, he just kept silent then said “How hard we try to find the answer, we’ll never find it. It’s better
not to think about that and let’s see what’ll happen next.” Since that day,
I never asked that question to anyone around me. I don’t know why. Maybe, I’m
just afraid.
They told me to keep my positive
thinking and hard work. One day everything will be paid off in a beautiful way.
But, when is that “One Day”? Will it be soon? Or not?
I’m such a horrible human, am I not? I
can’t even keep my head and heart clear from those sinful thoughts. I didn’t
even realize the answers when You already gave those for me. I am too blind to
realize how lucky I am. I lost in my fantasy world where I always think that I
can catch everything. I am too
naive to think everything within my dream is the best for me.
No, I can’t. There are a lot of things
that I can’t achieve. Maybe that’s because I’m not capable to get that or maybe
that isn’t the best thing for me. I don’t know the reason. And once again that
makes me wonder again, What’s Your plan
for me?
Everything seems not working as I planned
as I expected. When that happens, I feel like I lost in my own mind. Is it what I really am able to do? And
those expectations from them start to bother me a lot. Nothing is wrong with
the expectations. Those are hopes which help me to find my way. But the
question is, Can I fulfil those
expectations?
So, God... Can You just tell me those
answers directly? At least, give me clues of the answers. So that, I’ll stop
wondering and wandering within this endless forest. I’ll wait for Your answers,
God. I know You’ll always answer my pray. I’m sure You’ll give the best for me.
I believe the hidden meaning behind these sad things is beautiful like the blue
skies.
Please God, save me from these meaningless
questions....
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