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Questions

Malang, 07 Desember 2014

Hello, God! It’s me again. May I have a word? Just You and me? I have a lot of things within my mind that I want to tell You. Would You like to listen to me God?

Long time ago, I’ve asked You this question “What is Your plan for me?” I still remember why I asked that question to you. I wondered about it when I was lost. When I didn’t even know the meaning behind those things that I called as “misfortunes”.

I never found the answer how hard I’ve tried. There were just more questions kept popping from my head. What did I do wrong? In which part I messed up? I even asked the same question to my friend. What is God’s plan for us? You know God, he just kept silent then said “How hard we try to find the answer, we’ll never find it. It’s better not to think about that and let’s see what’ll happen next.” Since that day, I never asked that question to anyone around me. I don’t know why. Maybe, I’m just afraid.

They told me to keep my positive thinking and hard work. One day everything will be paid off in a beautiful way. But, when is that “One Day”? Will it be soon? Or not?

I’m such a horrible human, am I not? I can’t even keep my head and heart clear from those sinful thoughts. I didn’t even realize the answers when You already gave those for me. I am too blind to realize how lucky I am. I lost in my fantasy world where I always think that I can catch everything. I am too naive to think everything within my dream is the best for me.

No, I can’t. There are a lot of things that I can’t achieve. Maybe that’s because I’m not capable to get that or maybe that isn’t the best thing for me. I don’t know the reason. And once again that makes me wonder again, What’s Your plan for me?

Everything seems not working as I planned as I expected. When that happens, I feel like I lost in my own mind. Is it what I really am able to do? And those expectations from them start to bother me a lot. Nothing is wrong with the expectations. Those are hopes which help me to find my way. But the question is, Can I fulfil those expectations?

So, God... Can You just tell me those answers directly? At least, give me clues of the answers. So that, I’ll stop wondering and wandering within this endless forest. I’ll wait for Your answers, God. I know You’ll always answer my pray. I’m sure You’ll give the best for me. I believe the hidden meaning behind these sad things is beautiful like the blue skies.


Please God, save me from these meaningless questions.... 

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